the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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