Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Houston, we have a blender
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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