Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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