Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
