remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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