Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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