If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I love you. Go after that dick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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