My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
