Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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