OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
