i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
