I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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