I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
