3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i was born a porn star she said
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
