I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
