____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
