Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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