dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
