Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
