He had one of those small greek statue penises
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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