i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
