My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
