dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
