Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
