His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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