i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
