You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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