I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
