She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
