The maid of honor just puked.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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