Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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