so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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