the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
