what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
