Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I want her autograph on my taint
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
