My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
