I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
