how can u be prego again
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
