I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
