you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
