He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
