so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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