im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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