last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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