I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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