This girl is more easily done than said...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
