There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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