We're like a lot better than the average bears
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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