normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
