Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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