If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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